Peter Russell in his book "From Science to God"

The Golden Rule

As much as we want to feel unconditional love in ourselves, we also want others to feel that love toward us. None of us want to feel criticized, rejected, ignored or manipulated. We want to feel appreciated, honored, and cared for. This is true not only in our intimate relationships with our partners and family, but also in our relationships with those we work with, people we meet socially, and even strangers we encounter on the street or in an airplane. In all our relationships we want to feel respected.If love is what we all want, then love is what we should be giving each other. But that is not always easy. Too often we are so busy trying to get love for ourselves, or holding on to the love we have, we forget that other people want exactly the same. Before long we get caught in a vicious circle that denies us the very love we seek.

If we feel hurt over something someone says or does-whether they intend to hurt us, or whether it is all our own creation-our normal response is to defend by attacking in kind. Though not the wisest or most noble response, if we believe that our happiness depends on how others behave, this is how we tend to react. If the other person is trapped in the same mindset, they are likely to respond in a similar fashion and do or say something hurtful in return.

So the vicious circle is created. On the surface it may seem that a relationship is going well; both people appear friendly; there is no open hostility. But underneath a subtle game is being played. Each person, in attempting to get the other person to be more loving, is making the other feel hurt rather than loved. It is a tragic lose-lose game, which, if sustained, can ruin the best of relationships.

As easily as the circle is set up, it can be undone. The key is simple: Give love rather than withhold it. What this means in practice is that whatever we say, and however we say it, we want the other person to feel loved and cared for rather than attacked and hurt.

The Buddha called this “right speech”: If you cannot say something in such a way that the other person feels good on hearing it, then it is better to retain noble silence. This should not be interpreted as avoidance- “I don’t know how to say what I want to say without you getting upset, so I shall keep quite.” Expressing our thoughts and feelings is valuable, but we need to do so in ways that do not trigger the vicious circle. We should retain noble silence only so long as we need to-until we’ve worked out how to say what we have to say in a kind and loving manner.

Spiritual teachings often refer to this principle as the golden rule. Regard your neighbor’s gain as your own gain, and your neighbor’s loss as your loss,” says Taoism. The Koran proclaims, “No one of you is a believer until he desires for himself.” And Christ said, “All things whatsoever that ye would that men should to you, do ye even so to them.”

The key is kindness, the intent to cause no harm to others. It springs from the recognition that the light of consciousness shining in us all is divine. We honor God in honoring each other, for each and every one of us is holy.

Unlike the God I rejected as a youth, God as the light of consciousness neither conflicts with my scientific leanings, nor does it run counter to my intuition and reason. Indeed, it pints toward an ultimate convergence of science and religion.

-Peter Russell